Father Tell Me

Before I was two feet tall I remember hitting my tricycle for not going as fast as I wanted to
You see I was built for speed and it just couldnt keep up with me so it had to go


I remember my mother holding me over her shoulder when my father would leave for work
She always tried to restrain me as I cried kicked and screamed “Daddy, you have to stay.”
if you go, itll be your fault when i drown in loneliness and fear.



Im 21 years old now and not much has changed
I still blame everyone else for my inabilities, inadequacies, and insecurities

You can say its because I was spoiled growing up.
And with two parents showing what love really is after 36 years,
enough money to keep the bill collectors at bay,
and "health like a horse" whatever that means,
who wouldnt agree? I never had it rough.

But you dont really know me
you see ever since i remember living I have groaned to hear
“I love you.”
to keep me from forgetting to how breathe

and i dont want to hear it spoken from your lips cause even demons have muttered of love
open your palms and show me
let your hands sing out the chorus of peace

because You see humans have become too good at covering vomit with rose pedals
And calling it a bouque
We're professionals at hiding an empty ghost of a man behind smiles
and addressing him as Happiness,
and Like MR. Rogers, everyone thinks he's their neighbor but its a lie, its just tv
And now, no one even knows what its like to dip your finger in the one thing we were created for

Truth.

Ive hurled boulders down a well of it and never heard a splash


But like so many poets,
today I’ve decided I’m breaking the mold.
So those with an ear to hear, let him hear,
Gather round pupils of my prudent passion
Because the truth is!.....



The truth is I am not satisfied.



The truth is something isnt right and hasnt been for a long time
I moved away from Happiness when I was 16
and My bouquets were tossed in the fire of regret long ago

Its not something thats been taken from me
It’s not a missing piece keeping me from knowing real peace
It’s the cataclysmic cat tongue tying and robbing me of speech
The antimatter of my soul
It has created a black hole within me
im destroying myself from the inside out

and now i can barely even remember what light looks like behind the clouds



So Father, Im comin to you for this one
because You once told me that You loved me.
But what makes you hold this prostitute to your breasts
Like a child of legitimate birth
You said You formed me from this very earth
Your hands knitting and holding me together
but then I drove them through with the nails of my own hurt

How could you love me?

I throw words like confetti and sell it for gold
But Your name is nothing Ive ever known, Father
Tell me You love me

Ive written 102 love poems for the same girl
But cant write you one, Father
Tell me You love me

I’ve given arms to sex, sports, and war
But can’t hold Your children, Father
Tell me You love me.

I’ve sold my body to too many women
But can't even offer you my knees, Father
Tell me You love me.


Ive heard it said that silence is golden.
and maybe theyre right

but in a world where everything rings at the wrong time
and everyone screams the wrong lies

I cant hear you anymore Daddy.




So speak up..





and tell me You love me